In the morning

Forgive my fervor
my beloved gentle devil.
Go congratulate.

Central to what has become

Innovators try
with varied speech and numbers
Sure we don't believe

tree haiku

bend when you need to
be a shelter for someone
welcome rainy days

Rescue 911

lotion mania
trying so hard my nose bled
knife hits, the whole deal

The Pressure

Is humanity
saved yet? Jesus hopped-up Christ!
Back to work, haiku.

Picture for a puzzle

counterproductive
next to the express checkout
what to choose at all

Long Unanswered Question

Someone from Plano
always on both site meters
who's east of Denton?

A Very Mary Christmas

Some of these gifts are
gag gifts, but not everyone
will get a gag gift.

I know you guys joke
about it, but mattresses
are a part of life.

--Mary K.

blame game

so i fucked up, but
you should've known better, and
i've been wrong before

further domestic dramas

You don’t pee often,
but when you make it in there,
it’s real long and hard.

Third Graders

Turnips and water
And what song would you sing, bird?
Spiders sing a lot.

-Class Poem

My Dog drinks a lot
I can never tell where from
It echoes off the walls

-Nick

What a happy day!
I had a birthday party…
With me, me and me.

-Aimee

What a happy time!
The turtles make earthquakes! Yikes!
Sing, spider! Sing, bird!

Oh! Bombs, everywhere!
What do you want to do, cat
Cat says, “I lick toes!”

-Liam D.

Fariys are not reale.
but I beleave in faiyes a lot
fariys are very rele.

-Joshua K.

I always feel bus sick.
espacaily Mr. Gang’s car.
I hate to be bus sick.

I love poetry class.
The teacher’s name is Ms. bacca.
I love to write poems.

I like English.
I like English teachers
I know Eglish.

-Yixuan J.

Nick Charles, Nick Charles are
you happier doing your
homework or not.

-Ninos

Monster monster get out my
bed. You won’t come out
until my mother says.

Cat Cat get out of my show
you won’t come till I
give you toe foo

-Stephanie Z.

What a wonder!
The flowers are singing!
Your eyes are like rabbits eyes.

-Yusra

Why do people eat?
‘Cause they won’t live without it.
Am I right or wrong?

-Edina

1. Why did you go to the bathroom?
2. Why did you eat a chocolate?
3. Why did you come to school?
4. There is a big huge bomb in the
school in the boy bathroom and one
in the girls bathroom.
5.

-Rezwan C.

Fourth Graders

You bad little boy
You need a whippen today
You should not be mean

-Eleanor H.

You bad little kid
I will take your underwear
punch you in the face

-Linh N.

I hat cats and cats hate me
I like dogs so much
Cats hate me and dogs love me

I like vacation
I hate school and school hates me
There is nothing like vacation

-Aidy

Fifth Graders

cat’s

pooiepy is so fun.
poiepy is so nice and cute.
poiepy is the Best

-Tim

Mr. Car your the best
Well I haft to go away
Wait you can brive me to work

-James L.

Sitting down is bad
They sing to you, you sing back
Tick tock time goes by

Water is very light
Oceans cry like waves go by
We run, the water runs

-Jimmy T.

Eddie Guerrero,
Is our worlds champion,
A fallen her.
your time is now Boy!

-Nathaniel M.

What a strange shadow.
big fat tall scared and strong, open the door
father is shadow maker

I see a place,
gold light fill everywhere,
walking front, oh is all little light

-Rose C.

BACK HOME

Never met Grandpa
NOT that he died, He’s alive
Never met Grandpa

Why ???

Why is this, why that?
Why didn’t you ever like that?
Why can’t you love all?

-Leeza B.

Wild Ride

A long way downtown,
You can think about riding,
But beware for scares

Going Down

It’s a long way down,
Down to the last particle,
Going down in life

-Calum B.

cool chunky monkey
cool chunky, funky monkey
dance elephant dance

-Nicolas Z.

Matt Hardey

Matt Hardey is cool.
Matt Hardey is on smackdown.
Today is smackdown.

-Amber K.

My day is awful
How was youre day today dude
I got a spankin

-Vahik

Snow, Thunder, and day
The birds are laughing all night
Raining bricks and chairs.

-Imran Syed

My song for a bird

Breath in deeper
Interstellar gasp for air
the worst is over

Demetri showers
and belts out all his favorites-
reverse lullabies.

Mama Made Me Meta

Is the compulsive
deleter one sole person,
or many stutters?

talkshow pt. 2

second guessing my
double checking- have enough
syllables yet? fuck.

fly south

ducks quack, thawed power
plant shoreline, beneath arctic
bible black night sky

on the haiku talkshow

audience awaits:
mentally fingertipping
my next anecdote.

Dirtbag Heaven

Mounds of coke, Jimi
On the jukebox, Pabst bottles
Cheap, big love tonight

how i'm handling my isolation

do not be alarmed-
from now on, i will only
eat turkey bacon.

chance awkward encounter

typical dismal
outlook fizzles each gesture
at sizzle and spice

Phil Spector's Christmas
album- Great, but I wonder
what Jesus would think.

Neck and Neck

My fucking head pounds
My throat hurts when I swallow
Aching gives no choice

when it happened

walking to the car
you put your arm around me
i don't recover.

Occasional Verse for Aytch

Is so a haircut.
Just 'cause I don't wash or comb
it doesn't matter.

it can't happen here

witless patriot,
join the anti-free crusade;
let your labels be.

as a dog

ill but not guilty
earned but not self-inflicted
high but not helpful

ghostly guidance

fathom the phantom
until understanding all
its spectral teachings

We fly away

As time keeps going
there is never an airplane
for this time around

the path psychedelic

we ventured too far
down the path psychedelic
to enslave the gods

oh i do believe

what comes is better.
if you no longer sing this,
you might as well stop.

domesticada

Red wine gives courage
I think as I go downstairs
to get the laundry.

Cleaning the lint tray:
Sorta like picking a scab.
Gross, but such desire!

Dating and Politics

Conservative men.
I keep fucking them up. They
go on saving me.

Marginalia

I am hard on things.
You will be no exception--
there are other books.

purple napping couch
beneath stately matador
underutilized


"yesterday was a
goddamned disaster- glad i
don't drink anymore"

(overheard)

all year

How did things go wrong?
I said with a sigh, moaning
and in slow motion.

heidi highbrow

she screams to the bar
no one ever comforts me
downs another shot

nothing can replace
the tiptoeing grammar of
shared experience.

Take this hammer down
to the captain. Tell him I'm
gone. Tell him I'm gone.

peasantry tragedy

austere delusions
of our inadequacy
prevent mass revolt

keep on truckin'

death metal van got
blindsided but they still played.
that's so rock n' roll.

keeping it on the sunnyside

slipping and falling,
reassuruing reminders
that you are still here.

bus stop memory

snow umbrella girl
strolling by, strange and frigid
sidewalk savoir faire

Money well spent

Rest in state of grace
otherwordly sacrament,
asymptote virtue

latinate haiku love sonnet

absent affection--
vanishment the hastener--
exponentiates

but i just got here

a man from thailand
could give me an elephant
and it wouldn't work.

1 out of 5 Americans

Let's have a commune
hurry, rush, world on the move
for a worker's state

i am listening to the mars volta

star-craving icemen
melting in solar climates
stark raving madmen

when captain robanaba the roommate rolls out of bed with a haiku in his head, it should be posted

Creepy...

new to your window
from the tree across the street
old man is watching

I Want It NOW.

Grandma's Christmas check:
records, drugs, parking tickets-
not savings accounts.

You've Got Such a Short, Short Memory, Baby

I'm growing some grass
predictability is
the **NEW EXCITEMENT**

Lunching is important

Alphabet soup lunch
spelled nothing while spooning
delicious with quiche

FIght and Fuck, Fight and Fuck

If Bukowski, just
once, had said the bottles
lined up were lovely...

manic showerers unite!

pop mental health quiz:
do you find dead presidents
trapped in frosted glass?

Oddly prescient joke:
What's the coolest injury?
A hip injury.

inspired by today's stylus after shakespearizing myself last night

If J's Henry, he's
young Prince Hal, ditching Damon
like Falstaff got dumped.

Thomas Eakins Revealed:

milk-guzzling,
sexually ambigous,
uncle of today.

From the Bob Jones University website. (Don't ask.)

Dates need chaperones.
No homos, dancing, lewdness-
strive for Christlikeness.

Speaking of Issa...

I punished my child
By tying him to a tree-
A breeze cools him off.

(slightly adapted for English haiku rules)

as seen in the weekly lobill foods flyer

traditional, fresh
sweet, easy to peel! Spanish
all case knives on sale.

if not for babies and booze

i am nervous and
think this is not enough til
i remember you.

four monday evening haiks

*team tedium*

squad of squalid squares
brotherhood bringing boredom
primp your prayer parade

*a fantasy trilogy*

Wizard's Antilight
Make Visible the Terror
Assailing Our Minds

*Herman Broch:*

"Literature is
always an impatience on
the part of knowledge."

*revenger's tragedy*

Bush as Claudius
Or, no, Chaddius. Gertrude's
Lady Liberty.

Airport Bar (overheard haiku)

there's no warning for
an earthquake, you know. there are
tremors all the time.

I didn't see any stars.

From her fantastic
flight through easy does it shouts
she was laid to sleep.

Short and sweet

Parents make mistakes.
Your child's incubator
was made with defects.

Carnage Carroll

O what fun to watch
them writhe, listen to them scream!
Slaying songs tonight!

caribou drunk menu

philly steak sandwich
chicken cordon bleu taco
cheese curd stuffed sirloin

i heart samkon gado.

bittersweet winter:
win or lose, always booze and
give thanks for small gains.

creeper hangover
paganini can't wake me
upchucked my carrot

Sleepy Co.

Purple fragments choose
sparks to maintain their lustre
in Richard's deep sleep

Flying around with people

Light finds electric
conduit materials
that illuminate.

obit i

Richard Pryor passed
Outgoing activity
Call Chris and Eddie

take you to a party

high heels in the snow
her alaskan leg muscles
start wearing purple

more road rage

common courtesies
already threatened vanish
in immodest cars

dangertech

whackjack wants our smack
hey pops, you're on the dartboard
it's joey's birthday

but, true love of mine

if we are to last
you have to remember to
start with conjunctions.

The Couple That Prays Together Stays Together

I hope you weren’t
drinking while Mom’s toes were bit
by frost for two hours.

the apple people

hopping on their stems
they battle--greens against reds
juicing each other

All at once

Frozen winter shit.
Birds go quit and locals sleep.
Nothing, take your place.

Core Knowledge

Dick Cheney is my
favorite dinosaur not in
The Land Before Time.

Encore, Encore!

alienation --->
cultural adaptation --->
repatriation.

Probably not about you.

Vegetarian?
Hey, thanks for letting me know.
Get over yourself.

aaahOOOooh

can't get "cannonball"
out of my head very long
since watching spike jonze

but who is at fault

being abandoned
by someone who shares your face
this must be the worst

You gotta roll up your sleeves

Obeying the values
of competing sciences.
That's modernity.

I see it swimming

Religous beliefs
are simply autonomous
economic spheres

thanks a lot oprah.

been feeling crushed by
the pressure to value all
of my time on earth.

How To Cure Anxiety

pot pot pot pot pot
pot pot pot pot pot pot pot
pot pot pot pot pot

Another Take On That Ocean Theme

pond hopping didn't
much help clean my stranger's lens
stupid dirty south

Stacks and Stacks

there are works of art
that are for some a science
and are meaningless

overwhelmed

musicians, writers,
filmmakers: take some time off
so I can catch up.

Pastor of Muppets

Pastor of Muppets
Statler and Waldorf rival
Animal soother

heavy snow advisory on the feast of the immaculate conception

if petra and i
are left to die in muncie
she will feed on me.

One look at the stars

The sacerdotal
was holding safety scissors
when angels appeared

For Bee-lo

dirtier than snow
I've been pissing out champagne
fuck you, Bukowski

Sexy Time

chumming the ocean
are you the squid or the whale?
suction up to me

-Andy & Becca

lunchy

when grilled or stir-fried,
pineapple with soy sauce makes
flowers bloom twixt teeth.

voices in my head
conspire to prevent slumber
quiet, goddammit!

a constructivist approach

do you still wonder
and where do the learners go
once our time is through?

marlboro light country

a faint jerky line
drawn across the sagebrush plain
autumn cattle train

How Bout It, Science?

Technology will
continue to disappoint...
(return, unicorn!)

1-800-347-5700

Does frozen bird shit
do as much damage to clear
coats as the sun does?

Tisn't the season

Write your christmas lists
but not if you're poor or a
hurricane victim.

Wisdom Teeth

Trees turn to soil
Cars will collect salt and rust
Summers always fade

eighty, check, eighty
life on the installment plan
low credit limits

early morning shoveling

suburban skyline
cinders on the air of dawn
chimney smoke threading

winter plans

salt, flavor saver,
icy university
meet and melt away.

a brief gold sharpness
clouds parting in winter sky
closing soon after

Liberation

O, library-ists,
why do ya'll hate freedom so?
Subpoenas unfurl!

Other-Encouragement(?); Or, Librarians Are So Delightfully Militant!

If information
wants to be free, Kelli will
demolish firewalls.

green pylons

suspicion yourself
don't get caught, leap the sprinklers
jump in the tall grass

I'm watching him

I've seen all the years
chiliasm came and went
where's my salvation?

ode to haiku, the dog

oh petra, haiku,
i only wish you could make
fancy, dancey pups.

self-encouragement

sad librarian,
the search for information
is the search for truth.

Inspiration

Your work is never
done; seems like you're a fireman
putting out the sun.

I know who clogged it.

sure the drAin WAS clogged
and it's obvious whose hair
draino and plunging?

I planted a seed in broken glass

Even time can bruise
it had suddenly struck me
I was over-joyed


I offered you a
role on the cast but really
the script doesn't fit

Ryan v. City of Madison

God would not approve
of Sunday parking tickets.
Snow emergency!?

it's not the heat; it's the humidity

the mall the football
all doused in red white & blue
stuff, we salute you

admin question

administrators,
maybe we should link to our
new arch-nemeses?

http://haiku.blogs.com/

hoosier blues

another strange night
feeling dead in the alley,
wishing for some drugs.

Value

We can buy our way
into a new and better
heaven for sinners

grading blues

my darling students
how can i get you to get
what a thesis is?

Selling power

Are short salesmen less
intimidating? Maybe,
but I've got huge guns.

Toasts and curses

Send-off party last
night. At work again now. In
my dim head, ice clinks.

Muffin. Hey, muffin.
Get down my neck so I can
chew some aspirin.

december dark

a.m. or p.m.?
sleeping is the only love--
go ahead, sing it.

the need for bracelets.

the thought circles back.
JC wouldn't go for this
(our impact on earth).

bonus because my tub is messed up too:

grandma doris says
this is what you pay rent for,
but those ladies scare.

words to the wise

the older you get
the thicker the finger hair
the thinner elsewhere

be that as it may
the tub remains all stoppered up
time for some action

my mission today
to find draino strong enough
to fix this damn clog

The Facts of Life

Shower never clogged
before Demetri moved in-
Losing hair, old man?

x-mas wreath on pool table

Who can ever solve
The Cabin Lounge enigma
Without a wedding?

"227"

Thursday Badger Bowl
My game's all over the place
$8.50 pitchers

screw up i

amending errors
ballasted orchestras
blogospherical

nic fit

continuous life
depends on a little death.
give satan an inch.

slum plumbing

draino-proof clogged tub
ankle deep by shower's end
do i need high heels?

Love or Just a Game?

Tell It To My Heart
Suddenly, she’s Taylor Dane
(Leslie Wonderman)

Distractions.

amateur sophists,
schizophrenic traffic cops;
leading us nowhere

A December Recipe

Buy some index cards.
Scatter them around your house.
Haiku like crazy.


(Another blemish
on my carefully crafted
online persona.)